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Howling at the Moon: Live from My Living Room

by Anaïs Believe

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1.
how do i hold you in how do i hold it out the world is crashing in here i am still here i am still here and i am lonely without and moving you within you saw me when i couldn't see myself so now i hold you in now i hold you in and now i breathe to be with you a breath of me a breath of we how do i explain how do i explain you saw me when i couldn't see myself and i breathe you in and i breathe you in and i breathe how do i explain
2.
Prodigal Son 05:35
they come to me the vestal virgins let down your hair they will wash away my day they'll clean all that i've done and they'll take my hand once more but i'm not going home i'm no prodigal son i carry with me a container brimming with salt so i'll never have to look they'll say things but i want to be the one who finds freedom growing near me and i crucified all my tendencies i need more don't ask me to be pure and i'm not going home i'm no prodigal son this way this way on the way to hades i got my hands in my pocket my hands on my rifle and i never needed and i never asked you for any bit of truth but believe me, believe me believe me when i say that i don't need you to save me i'm falling falling i'm going down to the twelve circles down further where you may invoke me the die is cast and i'm not going home don't you ask me cause i'm not going home i'm not the prodigal son
3.
Dissociate 03:59
do i want to hurt less do you carry my tears do i waste screams do i waste my razor it won't judge i cut it out of me i cut it out i cut out the feeling one two three four four is four times before you came through the door i'll endure like a soldier and i do what i have to do and you do what you have to do don't ask if you don't want to see my pain it bleeds out of me it's like a game who decides i must lose look at my face you ask where i went but i'll not be cut down by you you fool you see i got a razor and i don't care what they say about healthy feelings because i cut out the feeling and you do what have to do and i ghost don't you know you can't get my feeling
4.
Bandages 06:41
i know you were better than i ever was i stand in the threshold and i use your runes don't tell me how to feel don't tell me i don't feel i pushed it down without my dramadies without my animal desire design i put it up and i let it all out and i learn i learn all the slender pieces of me i tossed in the lake i don't want anyone i don't want my selves so sorry isn't the sparrow turned dove holy disgraced i drink it i drink it i am enough in it it isn't like you came you came to say that you'd save me slender blade of grass that i am said to me you must save your own sorry ass and i ... here is a drink for the time that i tried and i've a scar all down my spine and here is a drink for the kisses that came out all sludge on my face oh god here is a drink for the one that i asked for i asked would you consider this sorry that i learned gravity by flinging every piece of me into every wall sorry i learned the gravity of statement by hurting you by throwing words against the wall how am i to be heard i hope you forgive me wherever you are for presuming you knew what you couldn't know i was stupid as you unwound my bandages wondering how far i bled
5.
Story 05:01
in my little mote of light i can't see you're lying to me to get me to wipe the world away as i made my way and no one knows i'm here no one knows or cares running running howling at the moon let me out he asked me do i believe in what in what i said in what am i nothing am i less then my only mote of dust in the light in the light i see earth split open see me and my little seed going down to ground ask my now do you believe it's like a slap it's like a slaked gun in the dark in my heart like a gun and memory is a trickery thing it slips inside and then it lays its babies and i need them out i need to remember less and be more when i remember it is over remember memories can lack meaning be like motes of dust in the air do you sow don't you know? you were the one i clung to he was the one that held it under held it under went inside became my enemy and i don't need to breathe got it all and slipping out of the door don't you worry it isn't here it is a story ask me do i believe do i do i do i
6.
The Fix 03:54
ask me to explain myself i have my selves on a shelf oh dissected and labeled and i will not let you catalog them reassess them readdress them let's not get our panties in a bunch over it it's like i've got a fix isolated i would like to state that every bit of repressed memory is gone for a reason i don't need them or you not when i divide myself into a few and i can see colours brighter then you when i take a drink i take a smoke i take a fix and you'll never know the hidden meanings after all it's gone i would like to state for the record when i took it when i took my overdose there is nothing you could do
7.
Recycle 04:51
i will recycle just like you taught me to and i drink down that bitter draught till i couldn't see you i needed your love i called out and called out and i begged for you down at the bottom down in the well yes please would you give a bucket and a shilling oh all my life see how i'm wing sore crumbled at your feet i'd like to soar; i am broken taste of your tongue the crude caress of the lies taste of your tears the fire of bribes you cried my name and now it's bitter and bitter it tastes tastes tastes oh, my life i hold my head high it's gone what i relied on it's gone in the blink of the eye and i drink i drink i drink i drink til i can't hardly remember the things you insist; recycle your name don't i know i am unowned i am carved down the middle of me so why does it taste so bitter and bitter is all that it tastes and i am unsure winding whys in a procession of your denials i know what i am the tip of my tongue bitter you taught me to recycle my heart beat
8.
I Call You 03:37
I call you I call you I call you I call you. Invoking You see Don’t ask me more Don’t ask me I’m fallen I am mourning I am prayers to Deep silence More! you call You don’t hear the science… Do you wait here for this moment On your knees On your knees To beseech a god not listening Justice isn’t happening It is bleeding More! you goddess
9.
Footsteps 03:19
i kept a lot of secrets i kept a lot of keys I've kept it all inside of me and now it's coming out they asked me to remember words and i remembered them and i remembered better all the things not said and footsteps the sound of footsteps nearing me and footsteps and footsteps nearing me they said to me He'll never give you more than you can take so take this and prove your faith i remember every word and i remember all the things not said and footsteps and footsteps there's footsteps
10.
Dragonsnake 03:31
All the world will learn what we have Here it is clear air to shine our scales Promise me brave promises Promises you will save the birds Broken way wings Brave reckless friends Shed my skin Shed my skin I’ll be a snake then Be reborn dragon Don’t deny me now Push past the fear Then over the cliff To the ocean Ocean tide is in my blood Salt in skin revel back Living is dangerous Don’t keep me on land And say It is for my own protection I wrap skeins of new flesh Over bruises See love, I laugh it is my Own Cull away too tight hands
11.
Flew Away 03:20
i flew away so quickly i couldn't let you near me i'd stay i flew away so quickly i couldn't let you stop me it's your bruise when i close my eyes i'm still bleeding and don't ask me why i am leaving when i cover my eyes it's not shame and it's gonna be a long time to feel alright don't i know i ask it all don’t look at that don’t look at this it’s what was in the dark and I’m afraid every time i can see my face i see you See you That’s why i flew away so quickly i couldn't let you near me i broke it all and i couldn’t let you near me i needed to break free Fine It’s all yours Here i need to let you go i loved you until i lost me at your door
12.
i don't believe you there is so much more to see there is so much more to be than here you call me dear don't ask me why again it's been a long day and it's going to be longer now he knows but he pretends silence in this quiet don't you say another word quiet, quiet it's not going to work this time i got quiet... ahhhh!

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released April 21, 2019

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Anaïs Believe

Anaïs Believe hails from the Canadian wilderness. She has come to enjoy such modern things as electric tea kettles.
She is a self taught pianist and a classically trained opera singer. She counts Kate Bush, Coil, Tori Amos, and Leonard Cohen as influences.
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