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The Liminal Hymns

by Anaïs Believe

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1.
Refusal of the Call 03:16
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So I said I’m fine on a Mountain of lies If you wear your disguise The lie can be flush against The skin Blending in Even in the eyes So much for the Window to the soul I am told Do you know I have a mystery Stirring deep within me And I shut that whole Fucker down 'Don’t deny your role' Choose a New prophet All the trite sayings are Saying in my head You can live through this Can’t you Sweetie It is in his hands But I am here unraveling me A meat story I feel and it doesn’t Mean a thing until I Think it does
2.
Dirty Laundry 02:39
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I got out of the bathtub I looked at the sink And what did I see But some smeary image That was me I used to take a drug to Enter another space But now all I have is my mind And my mind is free He tried to cage me He had my hands He put his body on me Like a weapon And I can’t understand Sometimes my memories Crash into my head Sometimes my memories Are memory lands Where I’d rather be dead It’s a weird thing to be At war with your own brain I wait for the electricity To say if I’m insane And all of the doctors And all of the nurses Put the electrodes on me I got out of the bathtub I put one sock on Then the other I went to listen to the Laundry machine Where at least I know I can Make everything go clean
3.
Disconnect 03:08
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Hello Are you there I’ve been looking At my skin For your memory Hello I know I don’t deserve To hear you Still I ask It’s muscle memory Blood pumping It’s hard to love When all that meant Is beats on an interior Record skipping One step stuttering Your name Your name Your name Your name You gave me your name I’m yours Hello I know you’re gone
4.
Before the Bed 02:29
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I’m still not sure Am I doing this right Uncork the bottle And set it on the sill We will finish it tonight Unraveling Skein by skein Don’t start in with the Boring things Who cares what’s Your favourite Colour Or thing Listen to the cadence Listen to the sound of Words being formed Being born like a god In the throat And I will drown
5.
Dam 03:42
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I cut myself A cover story Lines are patterned Up my arms in Vines that grew through you I cut myself I needed to feel More than sinner Versus saint I wanted something real I wanted to feel I wanted to be human after all We’re only human after all The skin on my knees Skinned beliefs Please don’t make me On my knees Choose It isn’t so bad Bleeding isn’t so bad It’s holding all of it in It’s holding all of it in Waiting Can I come out to play Can I come out to play Can I come out to play I cut myself off I stopped going To any other human For sympathy Or comfort I cut myself off No one can hurt you If you don’t give a damn No one can hurt you If you don’t give a damn Dam up my eyes Dam up my eyes damn
6.
Delilah 03:08
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first step i listened to the rain your name was a psalm, a pseudo hymn alone i sang in sorrow until with you a melody you heard first there was the razor then there was the hand that stilled the blade we fell, drained i still believe we loved as best as we could love as best as we dared you threw down the first strand you'll always be my darling Delilah you set me free
7.
Ancestry 03:16
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Still I count your name Still in a box where all of me remains I know you can’t hear me What do you say to a ghost Who carries part of you in their hands What do you say when you need To apologize for- I could kneel a thousand years I could count all the rosary beads Running back to your Italian ancestry I’ll be under the weeping tree Holding court Holding favors Waiting to hold your memories For you Doesn’t have to hurt If you only pull it off quick Pull it off quick Doesn’t have it hurt If you pull it off quick I’ve been saying that for years
8.
Dismembered Doll 02:58
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Don’t let me out of your sight I cut down into the heart of The matter, the madness I was a doll for so long I don’t know how to get Along without the pull of The string Baby Do I need to ask Do I need to get another Gas mask on to breathe I know the answer I denied it but One two three The answer’s inside of me Stop winding
9.
From the Sea 02:40
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I’m in the past I’m looking back Black black black Curls How do I know the Sea will rush in Base all of me on Black black black curls I eroded I got softer I got old I am my sand, mere Sediment In the end Black black black Curls
10.
Hill 03:06
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I’m the one Who ran up That dusty hill Gathering all The wrong blooms to heal And I’m the one Who wandered back To wine Then back to water It is fine Are you the one? I’m the one who Asked before I’m the one with Hope choked in Her eyes I’m the one that Wanted more than You can give and I Know it’s late, Time I went about Moving on Do you remember When we said yes Hallelujah Said stay, Are you the one? Hallelujah I’m moving on
11.
Last Known Address 01:09
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I mailed my heart in a box If you would take your time With the tape Cut through my hate Cut through my sorrows.
12.
Meat Me 02:09
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I'm off on a journey rue all those who would stop me I begin to peel back my skin scale down the walls down the well Reflect the stars what do you see cells carve up the meat what is the meaning of me I am on a journey rue to those who try to stop me “did you take your pill? Let me fill your cup”
13.
Personal Mythology 03:53
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i've been counting down my memories I hold them i don't want to forget the way the this world fades on me, oh my with a slip, a seize, bye i slide through time i am my own fable born she came in the form of an orange peel lodged into my throat until my grandmother snaked her finger in-gasp breathing- there is another memory that's catching in the quick i am six or seven there is the immortal soul i have screwed up i am not worthy of it how? skip ahead i learned to snake my own finger down my throat and pull out the poison pull out the amens i'm real cause i'm here i'm real cause i'm here or am i i'm still here or
14.
The Other Side 04:07
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Said she was sorry She couldn’t do a thing She didn’t know what To do On the other side Of the door She said she heard Me scream She said she almost Ran out of the house But she just stayed put On the other side Of the door She said she almost Found the courage to Dial 9 then 1… But the other one was Caught in her throat While I was Revised On the other side Of the door I don’t want to think About what could have been If she’d done The thing she’d thought of doing Instead of nothing And I’m not here To point Fingers or lay blame Because the only one Who is to blame Is not where she stood It wasn’t her It was him On the other side Of the door
15.
Into the Cups 02:05
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line up all your familiar friends in order of sober to not so I will bring sense and order I told you; I’ve got you who is going to be the savior tonight I am dying all the sheep white face it alone at your own peril into the cups I could stare until the stillness Sacked me between the eyes As if in defiance of my washed hands At the magical thinking state Delight in my worry as I tumble It round wondering who said it First was it the stuffed bear and if so Do I need to count in order after all One sheep lead the next sheep then Off the cliff to pig’s feet, after a few Too many the inky depths are murky Did this come from my carefully Crafted coloured disaster fable book Or is it simply a disordered mind ordering Itself through space and time, expand the Breath, observe the riddle, I had too much But not nearly enough to confront the Raw wounded parts of me I severed and Kicked into some wrong hall to claw the Walls and cry for the other parts of me Left shivering, is this a whole self or is it Splintering? In the light of day I’m sure But certainty has a way of making monsters In the night when Insomnia curls up and Spoons me tight. I close my eyes again To watch the play of colours cross my eyes Is this another mirage of a miracle A rainbow to mock the ark I built and Then shoveled to the back of my Consciousness in case the water comes
16.
Kinsey Scaled 02:46
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It begins Our story An attempt One touch One misery I wept Wiping my face Inept garden games X and Y meet In the bushes Don’t fear science Don’t fear desire Wrapped in Experiments Wrapped in the flag Of nations waiting To be claimed It’s okay not to Feel the same It’s okay to step Down the wrong path
17.
Tomorrow 03:00
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had to make amends with someone that took time away and dark stains are signs It’s not easy to admit the reddest ones were mine rains scatters the image of the world that’s coming down they say the world is ending they say it's ending soon so bow your head but then again i'd like to take this moment to sin to sin to touch what isn't mine to take all of this and hold it in both hands to taste it in my mouth will there be tomorrow will there be tomorrow will there be tomorrow

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released April 20, 2019

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Anaïs Believe

Anaïs Believe hails from the Canadian wilderness. She has come to enjoy such modern things as electric tea kettles.
She is a self taught pianist and a classically trained opera singer. She counts Kate Bush, Coil, Tori Amos, and Leonard Cohen as influences. ... more

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