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Untethered

by Anaïs Believe

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1.
Dirty Petri Dish 03:34
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I can live in The bottom of A petri dish I am a mixture Of pure air And I am the Contaminates They said I Am limited in Scope I say I am The rarest One of all I scaled the Walls Cut in to the Spine See it all from The inside What makes you Think they know What makes you Think they know I’m turning in
2.
playing god 05:20
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Don’t waste your prayers on me I wait on that bed I see in my mind- I see myself out Who am I am- What am I now What is consciousness Is it rushing in a river bed It is me It is you It it even here Is it even truth It it a thing They took my vital signs They say my heart can’t decide Who is it beating for this time Shouldn’t play favourites Shouldn’t play with my veins, no Shouldn’t-give me a butterfly I’m not free anymore Don’t waste your prayers on me Even though the pressure is Mounting, sparks are a red fall It’s coming I’ll try to be properly stoic When it happens: “I can’t see anything at all” So still don’t waste your prayers on me There is nothing your god can do That he can not do with his science Until he tells me it is beyond his medical Knowledge Still don’t pray for me Don’t tell me Even that is a sign When they start on my Faulty electricity
3.
Intractable Means Stop Listening 03:12
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How can I be inspired I can’t be real Said how to quantify An abstract feel There’s magic in a Pain scale Tried so hard My books and all the Secrets with them I’m not telling Don’t- I hurt now I’ll hurt tomorrow Hurt tonight So why do I tell you Why do I need to Don’t- Dreamt about words like Relief, some form Of sheep if I sleep Intractable means Stop listening
4.
Left With Me 04:14
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How can I Be that one that You admire I throw myself Down the stairs In my mind All the time I am not that brave I do things out of spite I do things because there Is no other way I am my own enemy I aspire to be inspiring But look down I am bleeding Time slides Don’t look too close I fall through time All the time I seize In the dark I am left with me and I don’t know Who to ask How to make It stop I’ve had EEGS Where they can’t find The brain waves that Explains What happens to me So don’t take these Thoughts too seriously Wait a second- I’m just Electricity- I hope I don’t leave you Wanting
5.
An Abyss 02:58
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Looked into an abyss I said I feel fucked What is this He said It isn’t plain to me I said my head feels It’s dripping down That damn spinal fluid Something happened The block is broken Something happened If you can’t say This is fucked to your doctor Who can you say it to, really? He looked at my head He looked at my spine He looked in the eyes And we laughed I feel I’m losing it -You still look good Anyway- See you next Tuesday
6.
Healthy Skepticism 05:53
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I’ll wait Forever And a day A day I see Just what they wrote About me It’s not that pretty Not that kind I’m not what I Wished to be but What do you expect me To be? What would you be If you were locked Inside a body that was Unraveling Losing consciousness Then Gathering consciousness Or whatever that is Who do you trust- It depends They will write If you are sane Based on less Than five minutes And they will see You at your worst With your hair in knots A circle around eyes Blood in unexpected places Confusion ruler of your Hurt head, what is this Dripping fluid in my skull Down to my neck Oh my god what is this Who wouldn’t lose it You can’t tell me that You understand the brain No one knows No one knows You can’t see You don’t know I don’t believe you You don’t know
7.
Pain Scale 03:20
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Lost again Can’t find my way out In that old familiar place In my head Lost again I read too much about myself I saw through to the other side I’m too stubborn to die Today Ask me where it hurts and Ask me on the scale of One to ten Like where, like hell? Like fire Like dull or radiating or Like who cares? Who cares? I am too stubborn now, Today To die with a pill in my Hand to numb the pain There is no one To blame There is a faucet in my brain There is a posit in my brain It’s calling me to pain To paradise or pain It’s calling me What number on your Fucking scale Does it go to twenty Or can we stop now
8.
Easy Complications 06:05
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I can’t come to you now I bruise easily, I do Fell through a mirror Seven years bad luck I can’t give it to you Don’t tell me you Won’t believe- Believe me, I lived it, Do you die as pressure Builds inside? There goes my Eyes It’s raining… It’s going to be so hard to tell It’s going to be so hard to let you decide If you can feel the line To let you decide if you like The line I’ll make it easy Don’t need to say It’s complicated Don’t need to hear About bad luck Or all that junk It’s either do you Want me or do you not Are you in or are you out
9.
Untethered 06:54
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Cut away Don’t lose a stoic face To a kind doctor’s empathy Always caught in the moment Before the decision-reach or- I didn’t I drifted into a river Time meant nothing I meant nothing Electricity overlay reality There aren’t answers There are doors slammed and Sly surprises You can’t know There are only whys No one asked me No one can stop me No one can reach me Nothing completes me I am nerves exposed Synopses firing, pain is Panic searching for a sign, Signs are brains piecing patterns Like quilters and mine are messes Threads ravel gather in the cord to Find if there’s consciousness worth Repeating while seizing please, I am falling I am- I am or I’m not You can’t know You can only ask Is it different now Will I accept an empathetic Face, oh today, the darker waves Are to my knees and I am Already slipping, stoic Cut away You can only wonder Doubt will wound around As you walk the clean halls Have you Antiseptic Have you gloves Have you meaning Have you needles Have you curiosity For the both of us I’m going under I need you now I don’t know my way out I don’t trust anyone else And I saw no bright light Does that mean My angel closed their eyes I trust no one else
10.
Platonic 00:50
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Forge a new path Out of metal, parts Of pain and triumph Lay the blueprint Down, this is better Done by machete Cut through the forest And down to the House. I’m not the one To hear your stories, I’m not the one to Kiss trembling lips And lie about how It will all be okay The die is cast As ever fate is Turn it over in Your hands or Throw down your Cards, it doesn’t matter I can’t eat your Pomegranate Seed, but I will lay The grass I’m old and I have No daughter I’m not even that Demeter with her flowers No, just be content In the garden cut From weeds and sticks See the beauty in the Yearning because the Getting is the beginning Of the ending
11.
Sword Now 00:45
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Tell me a story Is it happily ever after I wasted years Waiting for a hero to Ride in I picked up my Sword now

about

Chapter V of Storm for the Adored asks-

Have you curiosity
For the both of us
I’m going under

recorded live piano, tea cups, the deep breaths

credits

released October 26, 2019

piano, vocals, lyrics by Anaïs Believe

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Anaïs Believe

Anaïs Believe hails from the Canadian wilderness. She has come to enjoy such modern things as electric tea kettles.
She is a self taught pianist and a classically trained opera singer. She counts Kate Bush, Coil, Tori Amos, and Leonard Cohen as influences. ... more

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