by Anaïs Believe

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Chapter V of Storm for the Adored asks-

Have you curiosity
For the both of us
I’m going under

recorded live piano, tea cups, the deep breaths


released October 26, 2019

piano, vocals, lyrics by Anaïs Believe


all rights reserved



Anaïs Believe

Anaïs Believe hails from the Canadian wilderness. She has come to enjoy such modern things as electric tea kettles.
She is a self taught pianist and a classically trained opera singer. She counts Kate Bush, Coil, Tori Amos, and Leonard Cohen as influences.
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Track Name: Dirty Petri Dish
I can live in
The bottom of
A petri dish
I am a mixture
Of pure air
And I am the
They said I
Am limited in
I say I am
The rarest
One of all
I scaled the
Cut in to the
See it all from
The inside
What makes you
Think they know
What makes you
Think they know
I’m turning in
Track Name: playing god
Don’t waste your prayers on me
I wait on that bed
I see in my mind-
I see myself out
Who am I am-
What am I now
What is consciousness
Is it rushing in a river bed
It is me
It is you
It it even here
Is it even truth
It it a thing
They took my vital signs
They say my heart can’t decide
Who is it beating for this time
Shouldn’t play favourites
Shouldn’t play with my veins, no
Shouldn’t-give me a butterfly
I’m not free anymore
Don’t waste your prayers on me
Even though the pressure is
Mounting, sparks are a red fall
It’s coming
I’ll try to be properly stoic
When it happens:
“I can’t see anything at all”
So still don’t waste your prayers on me
There is nothing your god can do
That he can not do with his science
Until he tells me it is beyond his medical
Still don’t pray for me
Don’t tell me
Even that is a sign
When they start on my
Faulty electricity
Track Name: Intractable Means Stop Listening
How can I be inspired
I can’t be real
Said how to quantify
An abstract feel
There’s magic in a
Pain scale
Tried so hard
My books and all the
Secrets with them
I’m not telling
I hurt now
I’ll hurt tomorrow
Hurt tonight
So why do I tell you
Why do I need to
Dreamt about words like
Relief, some form
Of sheep if I sleep
Intractable means
Stop listening
Track Name: Left With Me
How can I
Be that one that
You admire
I throw myself
Down the stairs
In my mind
All the time
I am not that brave
I do things out of spite
I do things because there
Is no other way
I am my own enemy
I aspire to be inspiring
But look down
I am bleeding
Time slides
Don’t look too close
I fall through time
All the time
I seize
In the dark
I am left with me and
I don’t know
Who to ask
How to make
It stop
I’ve had EEGS
Where they can’t find
The brain waves that
What happens to me
So don’t take these
Thoughts too seriously
Wait a second-
I’m just
I hope I don’t leave you
Track Name: An Abyss
Looked into an abyss
I said I feel fucked
What is this
He said
It isn’t plain to me
I said my head feels
It’s dripping down
That damn spinal fluid
Something happened
The block is broken
Something happened
If you can’t say
This is fucked to your doctor
Who can you say it to, really?
He looked at my head
He looked at my spine
He looked in the eyes
And we laughed
I feel I’m losing it
-You still look good
See you next Tuesday
Track Name: Healthy Skepticism
I’ll wait
And a day
A day
I see
Just what they wrote
About me
It’s not that pretty
Not that kind
I’m not what I
Wished to be but
What do you expect me
To be?
What would you be
If you were locked
Inside a body that was
Losing consciousness
Gathering consciousness
Or whatever that is
Who do you trust-
It depends
They will write
If you are sane
Based on less
Than five minutes
And they will see
You at your worst
With your hair in knots
A circle around eyes
Blood in unexpected places
Confusion ruler of your
Hurt head, what is this
Dripping fluid in my skull
Down to my neck
Oh my god what is this
Who wouldn’t lose it
You can’t tell me that
You understand the brain
No one knows
No one knows
You can’t see
You don’t know
I don’t believe you
You don’t know
Track Name: Pain Scale
Lost again
Can’t find my way out
In that old familiar place
In my head
Lost again
I read too much about myself
I saw through to the other side
I’m too stubborn to die
Ask me where it hurts and
Ask me on the scale of
One to ten
Like where, like hell?
Like fire
Like dull or radiating or
Like who cares?
Who cares?
I am too stubborn now,
To die with a pill in my
Hand to numb the pain
There is no one
To blame
There is a faucet in my brain
There is a posit in my brain
It’s calling me to pain
To paradise or pain
It’s calling me
What number on your
Fucking scale
Does it go to twenty
Or can we stop now
Track Name: Easy Complications
I can’t come to you now
I bruise easily, I do
Fell through a mirror
Seven years bad luck
I can’t give it to you
Don’t tell me you
Won’t believe-
Believe me,
I lived it,
Do you die as pressure
Builds inside?
There goes my
It’s raining…

It’s going to be so hard to tell
It’s going to be so hard to let you
If you can feel the line
To let you decide if you like
The line

I’ll make it easy
Don’t need to say
It’s complicated
Don’t need to hear
About bad luck
Or all that junk
It’s either do you
Want me or do you not
Are you in or are you out
Track Name: Untethered
Cut away
Don’t lose a stoic face
To a kind doctor’s empathy
Always caught in the moment
Before the decision-reach or-
I didn’t
I drifted into a river
Time meant nothing
I meant nothing
Electricity overlay reality
There aren’t answers
There are doors slammed and
Sly surprises
You can’t know
There are only whys

No one asked me
No one can stop me
No one can reach me
Nothing completes me
I am nerves exposed
Synopses firing, pain is
Panic searching for a sign,
Signs are brains piecing patterns
Like quilters and mine are messes
Threads ravel gather in the cord to
Find if there’s consciousness worth
Repeating while seizing please,
I am falling
I am-
I am or I’m not

You can’t know
You can only ask
Is it different now
Will I accept an empathetic
Face, oh today, the darker waves
Are to my knees and I am
Already slipping, stoic
Cut away
You can only wonder
Doubt will wound around
As you walk the clean halls
Have you
Have you gloves
Have you meaning
Have you needles
Have you curiosity
For the both of us
I’m going under
I need you now
I don’t know my way out
I don’t trust anyone else
And I saw no bright light
Does that mean
My angel closed their eyes
I trust no one else
Track Name: Platonic
Forge a new path
Out of metal, parts
Of pain and triumph
Lay the blueprint
Down, this is better
Done by machete
Cut through the forest
And down to the
House. I’m not the one
To hear your stories,
I’m not the one to
Kiss trembling lips
And lie about how
It will all be okay
The die is cast
As ever fate is
Turn it over in
Your hands or
Throw down your
Cards, it doesn’t matter
I can’t eat your
Seed, but I will lay
The grass
I’m old and I have
No daughter
I’m not even that
Demeter with her flowers
No, just be content
In the garden cut
From weeds and sticks
See the beauty in the
Yearning because the
Getting is the beginning
Of the ending
Track Name: Sword Now
Tell me a story
Is it happily ever after
I wasted years
Waiting for a hero to
Ride in
I picked up my
Sword now

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